Dumb Little Spacehouse For Two
by Jaha Canon
Summary: Zim and Dib learn that reality television is a cruel, cruel thing. Completed, but there is a similarly titled sequel!
1. It begins

**The Dumb Little Spacehouse for Two**

**By: Jaha Canon**

**Disclaimer: Denying ownership. **

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Dib was groggy by the time morning came along. Apparently, there is little rest for an aspiring paranormal investigator.

He located his glasses, managing, this morning, not to accidently knock them onto the ground. He got up and made his way to the bathroom. He had a funny feeling today that he was being watched, but he attributed it to his usual paranoia. Even so, he had a bad feeling.

Looking into the bathroom mirror, he surprisingly didn't look as groggy as he felt. This was nice. This way he could fight Zim this day without letting the Irken know he's not at 100. In case the groggyness doesn't go away, anyway. It's good to plan for everything when you're saving the world from an alien invader.

He didn't have much time to think about saving the world, because suddenly he saw something behind him in the mirror. It was a black metalic object floating behind him that disappeared almost as quickly as he noticed it. He spun around and looked around carefully for it. He glanced out of the doorway before stepping out into the hallway, still searching for the object.

The door to his room was closed although he remembered that he had left it open. He crept cautiously to the door and listened at it for a while. Silence. Then, he softly turned the knob and let the door slide open. Nothing popped out. He carefully glanced in and saw only his room in its normal state. He gulped and slowly began to enter the room.

And there it was flying towards him, carrying a big net. Dib only had a chance to process that his object had an uncanny resemblance to a video camera before the net swooped him up and captured him.

* * *

The amount of time Dib traveled on the spaceship this time was, surprisingly, somewhat a disappointment. He was under the impression that the nearest planet with life would take at least months to get to, but instead it seemed to take just over an hour. Sure, he struggled and wasn't crazy about being abducted, but having been eager to travel to other planets for a long time now. He was slightly annoyed to find that there was technology anywhere in the universe that would have allowed him to do that in less time than it would take him to walk to the nearest forest and try to find a relative of big foot and that this technology wasn't HIS.

He struggled with robotic arms as he was pulled off of the spaceship. However, when he took one look around him, he immediately stopped. Cameras, much like the one that abducted him, where watching each of the people present.

"What…. Is this place???" Dib asked in wonder. He then noticed that he had more cameras surrounding him than most of the other beings. It couldn't be Zim's home planet because no one looked remotely Irken. There appeared to be a number of different kinds of alien life around him.

"Welcome, Human," greeted an overweight-to-human-standards lifeform, "to the planet of Realiteevee. I am the king of this planet, Produce-Sir."

"….Reality TV?" Dib replied slowly trying to soak in the information, "….Producer?"

Just then, another craft landed on the planet. The door opened and Zim came marching out in a very proud way. Then he began looking at his surroundings and his eyes and antenae suddenly became alert. "This isn't Talkshowia!!!! You lieeeeeed!!!!!!" he screamed before hissing. His now narrowed eyes searched the crowd for something or someone to destroy right on the spot.

Someone nearby Dib made a 'pfft' sound. "Of course," the voice continued, "they use that kind of gimmick all of the time to get people to come here."

Zim marched up to the Produce-Sir. "As a prized Irken invader, I command you to send ZIM immediately to the planet of Talkshowia as ZIM has a very important interview about his ASTONDING achievements!"

"Look, I hate to break it to you," Produce-Sir said in a tone that really didn't sound reluctant but rather expecting, " but there is no Talkshowia interview."

"LIES!!!!!" Exclaimed Zim as his eyes searched for an escape.

"It's obvious that was just a lie to so that they can get you here, Zim." Dib stated in a mocking tone.

Zim noticed Dib standing there for the first time. "And what are you doing here, HYUUUMAN?"

Dib crossed his arms, "I'm trying to figure that out."

"Boys," Produce-Sir began, taking the Irken and the Earthling under each arm, "we here on Realiteevee have something to tell you and we're not quite sure how you'll take it so…" he mocked sighed, "the two of you and your ongoing rivalry have been the subject of an extremely popular reality tv show program for the past few months and-"

"WHAAAAT?!?!" Dib exclaimed. "You mean a bunch of alien SCUM have-" he trailed off remembering suddenly that he was currently surrounded by said "scum".

"_Months?!"_ Zim was clearly baffled as well. "The MIGHTY Irken Tallest allowed you to monitor ME for months????"

"In short," Produce-Sir stated. "Yes. In fact, many of the highest ratings for 'Irkens and Earthens' come from your Irken race."

"Erm… we use the term 'Earthlings'-" Dib corrected.

Produce-Sir shrugged the comment off, obviously not worried about what the inhabitatant of the silly planet actually call themselves. His attention was moreso on the stunned self-proclaimed Irken invader. He'd seen Irkens before during his longer lunchbreaks, which took place on Foodcourtia, but they were the lowest class- barely considered the same as the Irkens that most of the universe had come to fear. The only Irken ever to set foot on Realiteevee before was the one who conquered it a little more than a thousand years ago. Even before that, the planet was heavily dependant on the often-dangerous input that would come from the Irken Empire. Of course, it would be risky business for any of the entertainment planets to feature an Irken out of fear of embarrassing the Irken society. Zim seemed to know this, although he seemed not to understand that he was somehow the exception to the unspoken rules.

Yes, this Irken "Invader" Zim was exactly what the Entertainment planets needed- an Irken that they could laugh at without putting their lives in danger. Of course, Zim didn't need to know this.

"Zim, one of the mightiest of Irken soliders," Produce-Sir spoke, bowing swiftly, yet deeply, "The allmighty tallest have had a lot of praise for you and have enjoyed watching your idio- I mean your sure process towards taking over the planet Earth."

"They have?" asked Zim eagerly. He quickly gathered himself and stood proudly, "Well, yes, of course they have for I am ZIM!"

"Oh come on!" Dib protested. "Why are you boosting his ego like that? If you've been really watching us all this time, you'd know he does that plenty by himself."

Produce-Sir chuckled and gave Dib an emormous pat on the back. "And it's no wonder they call you the smartest, most not-crazy human of them all."

Dib fought the praise, but he found it was still winning him over. He found himself smiling and scratching the back of his head. "I guess I –am- pretty smart and not-crazy- I mean sane"

Suddenly the human met eyes with his sworn enemy and he remembered his confusion, fury, and, well, more confusion.

"So why have you brought us here?" He demanded.

"Welllll… let's just say that the ratings have gone down a little and our viewers want to see something different." Produce-Sir explained, the Earthling and the Irken suddenly realized they were standing in front of a house. "So, we're doing a month long special in which the two of you will be coexisting in the same household."

"WHAT?!" Dib exclaimed before breaking into a unintentional routine that resembled a cross between a fish out of water and a deer in headlights.

Zim gagged at the idea. He recomposed himself and narrowed his eyes to slits, "-and if we refuse?" He jumped back as several lazer guns popped out of the ground.

"The both of you, along with planet Earth, will be destroyed."

away from my mission

"-I- can't be for a whole month!!!" they complained.

missing school

"No worries, Irken Invader Zim, the Tallest enjoy 'Irkens and Earthens' and are looking forward to the special. And Earthling Dib, we've taken care of your absence too…"

Dib frowned, "What did you do?"

----Back on Earth----

Professor Membrane walked through the front door of his home. "Kids! I'm home!"

"Hi Dad…" Gaz mumbled over her Game Slave.

Membrane looked around for a while, realizing something was missing. "Where's no brother?"

Gaz held out a note, which Membrane took and read.

_Dear Human Parental Unit,_

_Please excuse the Earthling Dib Membrane from life this following month. He is too ill for anything. Do not worry, as he is in no danger._

_Much love and adoration, _

_A Human Doctor_

Membrane scratched his head, shrugged, and headed for the laboratory. He made a mental note to ask his secretary to call the Skool to pass on the information.

----------Back on Realiteevee-------

"That's the worst forged doctor note I've heard of in my life. Besides, they don't even work that way." Dib protested.

Produce-Sir listened to some information that just came in on his earpiece. "My sources say it worked."

Dib deadpanned. "Oh."

"Huh. Why did I try that one yet?" Zim thought to himself outloud.

Dib sighed.

"Oh, and by the way, boys," Produce-Sir added with a very lighthearted, "here are the rules." He handed them a piece of paper.

**RULES:**

Neither the Irken nor the Earthen may kill or seriously injure the other.

Escape attempts of no way, shape, or form allowed.

Participants should endorse the products put out by the contributing companies at least once each hour.

Participants must agree to be interviewed about the arrangement at any point Produce-Sir decides.

**Failure to comply with these rules will lead to the destruction of both participants and of the planet Earth.**

"Are there any questions?" Produce-Sir asked. He received only baffled expressions. "Good!" He got out a key and unlocked the front door. "Well, then, welcome home!"

* * *

**-TBC-**


	2. Accomodations

**Dumb Little Spacehouse for Two**

**By: Jaha Canon**

**Response to reviewers-**

**DemonSurfer- **You're quite close, actually, but you'll just have to wait and see. Thanks for the review!

**Invader Dana- **I don't know too many Jimmy Neutron episodes. (lol) I would sure hope it's better than that, though.

**Alana-StarSugarCat and Invader Anita- **Thanks for the reviews, guys.

* * *

"COMPUTER!" Zim commanded for what seemed to have been the millionth time.

"Give it a rest, Zim," Dib complained, "this place doesn't have a home computer like your base does."

Zim turned to Dib as his eyes narrowed, "How does the Dib-stink know of Zim's home computer?"

"Because I've been there!" Dib replied in a tired tone. Exhausted of this roundabout conversation that he'd been stuck in for a good 15 minutes, the human boy decided to explore the place where he would be stuck living for a while.

First, he checked the kitchen. He approached the sink and turned the handle. He sighed with relief as something appearing to be water came from the faucet. Not wanting to be tricked, he tested the water with his hand. It seemed okay, so he grabbed a nearby cup and filled it partially. He smelled the water and found that it indeed smelled harmless. Sensing it was time for the real test, he was just about to taste the water to make sure it really was as it seemed.

And then Zim walked into the room and began looking through the food. Dib stopped in mid-motion was something clicked in his head. He snuck up behind Zim and splashed a little water on him.

"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" Zim screamed as he patted the places on his body where the water was splashed as if trying to put out flames. He recovered and glared at Dib.

"I see the Dib HYUUMAN doesn't care if Produce-Sir destroys his home planet…" he hissed.

Dib looked unimpressed, "You're not even seriously injured. See? Your skin stopped burning."

Zim stood silent. Then it was his turn for something to click in his… uhh… Irken equivalent of a brain. He dropped to the ground and began screeching in a high-pitched tone that would have put Gir to shame if he were on the right planet to hear it.

"The Dib-Human has injured the POOR ZIIIIIM!" he yelled. He faced a camera that was hanging from a nearby wall, "Yes, DIB-Stink has greatly injured Zim! Even though he knows that it would cost him his life and planet! You can destroy Earth now. Oh, and when you destroy Earth, can Zim have it?"

Dib watched the Irken, getting more annoyed by the second. He noticed he still had water in his cup and splashed Zim more.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Zim screamed for real this time. He flailed around from his place on the floor before recovering once again. He glared, once again, at Dib.

"At least I know this is real water now." Dib said calmly, pretending not to be amused by the Irken's suffering, he took a drink of the water and found that it, indeed, was not poisonous at all.

"WHY is that vile stuff in Zim's residence?" Zim asked the ceiling, even though he didn't see a camera there.

Dib continued on to look at the food. Already it seemed like these aliens knew a lot more about his species than Zim ever figured out in all of his time on Earth. There was actually suitable human food for him and plenty of it.

Dib scratched that conclusion as he noticed something was strange and out of place.

There was a shower in the middle of the kitchen.

How did he miss that before?

"**Attention Irken Zim and Earthen Dib…"** a voice boomed out of nowhere.

The two noticed for the first time that a small door the wall had opened and a little intercom came out.

"**Report to the living room for interviews."**

* * *

_Dib's interview—_

"Look, I'll go through with this for Earth's sake, but honestly, a shower in the bathroom? I'm really dreading now wondering where you had put the toilet. You –did- put in a toilet, right?" he paused, as if expecting an answer, "Right?" Sigh. "Honestly, I hope that I can get through this alive, hopefully with most of my body intact."

* * *

_Zim's Interview—_

Fists clench. "How dare that HYUUUMAN worm baby splash me with that vile Earth water… STUFF! That wahhhhhhhhtuuur is truly evil and alone stands as reason enough to call for the destruction of planet Earth." He blinked, as if trying to think of something else to say. Nope, nothing. He smiled and waved, "Hi Tallest!!"

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**End Chapter**

Yeah, I know it's pretty ridiculously short. I think my chapters in this story are going to be generally kind of on the short side, so here's your fair warning (uhhh… you can print this out if it's that important to you.) Anyway, a new update should be coming soon, so stick around.


	3. Television

Dumb Little Spacehouse for Two 

**By: Jaha Canon**

**Response to reviewers-**

**DemonSurfer- **Haha! I am not sure if you were making fun of me there, but yes, that's quite true in the last chapter. It was just a little something that popped into my head when I was writing.

**TallestCora- **I'm honored to get a review from a "Tallest". I hope this story continues to please you. Actually, I'm going to be (relatively) nice to Dib in that matter.

**Invader Dana- **Thanks! Yeah, I was hoping that the interviews would make this seem more like one of our "Earthen" reality TV shows.

**Desdedoma Kakalose- **Ha! I only had to check your name about five times while typing it! (lol) I'm glad you really like this story. Yeeeeeeeeeah, I COULD make this ZADR but personally I prefer to keep my stories open for a broader audience. I do, however, like a lot of ZADR stories a lot (such as Rizlit). Aaah, and thanks for the cookie!

**ChocoxTruffles- **Yeeeah, I'll see if I can make longer chapters. It doesn't seem likely at this point. I just don't think that this will be one of those loooooong stories. Anyway, I'm glad you like the story, hope you continue to read, keep up your suggestions, and keep the praise coming—

:P Jaha Canon likes praise! (haha)

* * *

Boredom. Dib was enduring complete and absolute boredom.

Suffocating boredom.

The interview cameras left them alone some time ago and Dib snuck off to find what was to be his room for this month. He found it and decided that the more time he spends in this room and away from Zim the better if he is to survive this month.

Not a paranormal magazine, or computer, or fancy piece of equipment to play with in sight. This was **not** what he had always imagined living on another planet would be like. He picked up his glass of water and took a drink.

:::Cough cough:::

_Yes, Dib Membrane, that is why we humans don't usually try to drink water laying down._ A voice in his head reminded him.

"Right," Dib mumbled to himself, "now is not the time to accidentally drown myself in intergalatically imported drinking water."

Yes. It was literally suffocating boredom.

Dib sighed and stood up. "I guess I'll stop talking to myself now and see what Zim is up to." He began making his way to the living room area.

Zim sat on the couch flipping through TV channels. "THIS is the nonsense that's on galaxy TV nowadays? The Tallest should execute everyone involved…"

"I guess if we were to talk to each other, we wouldn't talk to ourselves so often," Dib murmured as he slumped onto the couch. Zim scooted away from Dib and shot him a glare.

"Who are you talking to, Dib-human?" Zim hissed as he narrowed his eyes.

Dib rolled his eyes again. "Myself." He turned his attention to the television and watched as Zim continued to flip through channels. He tried to keep count of all the different looking creatures that appeared on the screen, but he very quickly lost track.

"Is this some kind of alien cable network?" Dib asked.

"If by 'alien cable network' you mean the television that is watched on most every planet than your own, then yes." Zim answered.

"Hmm," said Dib, thoughtfully, "we're seriously out of the loop."

Zim shook his head at the stupidity of the human race. **They **weren't even deserving of this pointless slop that was on every channel.

Of course, Zim reminded himself, the humans had their own share of stupid television shows.

_Oooooh yes, _Zim nodded, agreeing with his own thought, _more than their own share. _

The two nemesis's/roommates froze suddenly when Zim turned to a particular channel. There they were on the screen; sitting on the couch. They looked up and saw a camera with a flashing red light.

"This is disturbing." Dib commented.

Zim didn't want to agree out loud, but a twitch was more than enough of an agreement. REALLY feeling the need to change the channel, the put in a few random numbers.

"Oh, it's the station that broadcasts from Sitcomia," Zim told Dib before he started to wonder why he's bothering to explain these things to the filthy ignorant human creature.

"If it's anything like Earth sitcoms, it should be at least somewhat bearable to watch." Dib remarked.

"Of course it's nothing like your filthy Earth sitcoms…" Zim replied irritably. The irritation subsided as he noticed that the commercial on the screen at the moment featured one of his favorite snacks.

"And now back to 'HELP! I Married A HYUUUMAN Stink Creature from URRTH' said the announcers' voice.

"What??" Dib exclaimed, surprised. He looked at Zim to see his reaction and saw that Zim was too disappointment that his snack wasn't on the screen anymore. "Do they have human actors?" Dib asked, trying to pry Zim's attention away from his strange alien food.

"How would Zim know when he's been on your filthy planet all this time?" Zim mumbled. He was seriously considering going into the kitchen at that moment and seeing if they had anything tasty sitting around.

On the television set, a male extraterrestrial of an unknown species entered the set. He placed his hat on a hanger. "Honey, I'm hoooome!" he called.

A very blobbish alien with tentacles entered. Her face was covered with pale makeup attempting to mimic a humanlike skin tone. She wore contacts similar to the one's for Zim's human disguise but were of the mismatched colors- magenta and yellow. Her tentacles were obviously tied- probably to try to give the illusion of arms and legs.

"Does that answer your question, Dib-stink?" Zim asked, amused.

The husband screamed and he flailed around the set for a while before he recovered. "Sorry, HYUUUMAN wife, I sometimes working for the great Irken empire makes me forget how disgustingly HYUUUMAN you are."

The 'human' wife laughed good-naturedly. "That's quite all right. Praise the Tallest!"

"Praise the Tallest!" the husband agreed.

The screen went dark and the words "PRAISE THE TALLEST!" appeared on the screen in big letters.

"Yaaaaaaaay Tallest!!!!!" called Zim enthusiastically.

"What IS this?" Dib asked.

"That, disgusting human, is giving honor and respect to those who deserve it most." Zim answered coolly. "Of course, all of the networks are required to pay homage to the Almighty Tallest every fifteen minutes."

"Or what?" Dib challenged.

"Do we need to state the obvious?" Zim said matter of factly, "Or they get destroyed!" Then the Irken giggled, clearly amused and pleased with the system in place.

"And what's with that alien that's pretending to be human? She doesn't look human AT ALL?" Dib criticized.

"I thought her disguise was rather good." Zim argued. "Probably good enough to fool most anyone on your planet."

Dib twitched at this. Why didn't he have a case worth arguing here?

"And who better to play one of you human creatures than the slimy Blobians from planet Slop?" Zim continued, obviously in complete agreement with the Sitcomia producers on this one.

The human looked back at the television. The show had finally proceeded.

"HYUUUMAN wife," the husband said very seriously, "although I find you absolutely repulsive, it is time now for us to do the mating ritual and raise young."

"Okay, I'll start." The Blobian actress started suddenly making moaning sounds while….

"Is she distrubuting pollen from the top of her head?" Dib asked, _incredulously_ "Yes, I believe she's pollenating." 

Zim nodded, "Yes, I believe she is." He started thinking about snacks again. He stood up and began to head into the kitchen.

Dib was more than mildly disturbed. "That is SO WRONG! That is NOT how that's supposed to work-" he stopped himself. Did he really want to go into the detail of human reproduction on intergalactic television?

"Well, duh, Dib-human, if that's supposed to be a secret, then your race is doo- errr… I mean, MORE doomed." Zim announced. He went to the kitchen and sound exactly what he was looking for.

"**Attention Irken Zim and Earthen Dib…"** came the voice, once again, from the intercom. "**Report to the living room for interviews."**

* * *

_Dib's Interview-_

"I understand now that I am the very first of my species to be on intergalactic television and I am going to set the record straight. We do NOT pollenate- that's **plants. Vegetation. NOT people. **You clearly don't know a lot about my species and usually I'd much rather it be that way but what I saw on television today was completely----"

((muted))

The screen faded black and words came up on the screen.

"The Produce-Sir of Realitivea apologizes for the Earthen HYUUMAN's inability to keep its mouth shut. Now back to the regularly scheduled program. PRAISE THE TALLEST!"

* * *

Zim's interview-

"Yes yes. TV is fantastic… can Zim have his snack now?"

* * *

**End Chapter**

The overusage of the word "suffocate" is due to the fact that I learned the Japanese word for it lately, so that words been coming to my mind more. J


	4. Feeding Frenzy

**Dumb Little Spacehouse for Two**

**By: Jaha Canon**

Hey everyone, I apologize for the **gigantic** time lapse between chapters. I blame school and the fact that I went to Japan again (mid-June to mid-July)… yes, I know, I brag.

Response to reviews—

**StardustSage**- Thanks for the cookie! Wait, it isn't a cookie. Well, thanks for the lolly then. Oo

**Caline Nighdengale**- You know, people ask me that all the time. I think I was just born with the ability (…or curse?) to think of wacky things all of the time. I like the hypothetical food offering, thanks!

**Tallest Cora**- I'm glad you are still pleased, my Tallest. **…. Anyway, **I wouldn't fret too much about the show that Dib watched. I actually didn't expect such a reaction to that! I didn't think it was accurate enough to be inappropriate! (haha)

**The Illustrious Crackpot- **Glad you seem to like it so far. Yeah, and I kind of knew that Dib's last name really isn't Membrane. The reason why I wrote it anyway is… you know, I can't quite remember. I bet it was an AMAZING reason, though.

Desdedoma Kakalose- The Japanese word for "suffocating" is "kurushii"- it's an adjective, so don't try to use it as a verb, okay? eye twitches Yeah, I stuck the whole Dib talking to himself thing from the show in here on purpose because I like how he rambles to himself- such fun! 

Also, much thanks to **Mommmaleasey, Ri2, Invader Dana** for their reviews.

And sorry again that this took such a long time!

* * *

"Professor Membrane," Dib mumbled in a sleepy voice as he walked down the dark hallway, "it's 3 am Earth time, do you know where your son is?" 

The addressed person was light-years away and, of course, didn't answer.

Of course, being in the same room had the same result sometimes.

His stomach growled again and he wished it hadn't woken him up. Sleep was the escape he had from Zim and this crazy situation he was in. He didn't really want to head downstairs and find out what kind of destruction his Irken housemate had caused so far- he preferred to save seeing the damages in the morning, with his mind refreshed.

Zim was jealous of Dib's ability to sleep. Each day since they arrived it became more and more apparent. Zim being without his lab, his weapons, and his missions, he was very restless. In trying to find ways to occupy himself during the hours that Dib wasn't around, he would usually end up breaking things to try to pass the time.

"ZIM is going to master your hibernation technique HYUUUMAN!" Zim spat, as he retired to his room.

…But that was three nights ago and there was still the same restless destruction on the following mornings.

Tiptoeing quietly down the steps, Dib quickly realized that there wasn't any sound or trace of the Irken causing trouble. He breathed a sigh of relief that he can get food and go back to bed in peace. He made his way to the kitchen and opened the cupboard.

Originally, Zim's food and Dib's human food were scattered together in the shelves. However, soon after they were forcefully moved into this house, Zim had put own rubber gloves and separated the DISGUSTING HYUUMAN "food" from the superior, delicious food. Obviously, Zim's food occupied the higher shelves and Dib's sat on the bottom.

Dib was about to reach for a familiar Earth food when he noticed the Irken snack food that Zim seemed to like a lot. Thinking that it might be worth a try and that if he became sick, it would be a perfect excuse to stay in bed for a few days, the pulled the Irken snack from the cupboard.

The opened it and took a bite.

It wasn't good.

It was insanely good.

* * *

---The next morning---- 

"Yes! ZIM had a MIGHTY sleep! How MIGHTY was ZIM's sleep? The MIGHTIEST!!! Yes, ZIM is able to do any such thing a pathetic HYUUUMAN can do!"

Zim was about to praise himself more as he entered the kitchen, but stopped on his tracks when he saw Dib at the open cupboard, holding one of his precious snacks.

"FILTHY DIB THING!" Zim growled, "Are you trying to CONTAMINATE ZIM's food supply?"

Dib looked like a child who got caught stealing a cookie. "Ummm… no?"

Zim's eyes narrowed. "Don't think I can't see your plot, stinkbeast! You can't directly harm the great ZIM so you are trying to weaken him by destroying his food supply!"

Dib looked weakly at the Irken snack he held in his hand and slowly put it back in the cupboard. "Yeah, you caught me, Zim. Plan foiled. I give up!" He very quickly left the room to enjoy the **relative** comfort of television.

Zim spotted the snack wrapper in the wastebasket and eyed it suspiciously. "Aaaah, Dib-human," he mumbled to himself, "you're as dead as…" pause. "uhh… uhh…. dead things. Yeah. The DEADEST!" Zim voice had escalated to a scream.

Having turned on the TV, Dib purposefully avoided the channel from Sitcomia. He cringed as he heard Zim in the kitchen. Zim was stupid, but he must have figured him out anyway. He'd better lay off those snacks for at least a little while.

----------2 hours later------

"Earthscum," Zim asked in a voice that almost sounded patient, "what are you eating?"

"Nuffin. Jus disgustin'" Dib stopped to swallow the food in this mouth, "disgusting human food."

"Riiiiight." Zim nodded, his voice still seems very calm, but his hands were making a choking gesture. "And why are you eating your disgusting HYUUMAN FILTH while hidden behind the couch?"

Silence.

**"DIBTHING!"**

"……..the…… ambiance?" Dib answered slowly.

"Ooooh yes," Zim replied, his voice undeniably evil, "you are going to need an ambulance!" He pulled the couch out of the way. "I KNEW IT! Your filthy HYUUMAN mouth is not worthy of the snacks enjoyed by the Irken Empire!" He reached out to snatch the snack away, but the human boy came with it. The Irken's eyes narrowed, "Let go of it."

Dib's frowned and met Zim's glare. "NEVER!"

Zim began trying harder to pull the snack from Dib's hands. "It's…. ZIM's…. favorite… LET… GOOOOO!"

Dib pulled and tightened his grip. "You…. can't… have… it! It's mine… and I neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed it!" he managed to pull it away from the Irken.

"Oh you FILTHY-"

"-When we get back to Earth again, I'm fixing up Tak's ship and I'm going to fly up to Irk and steal all of these snacks. Just like now…."

"Oooh, I'd like to see you try, Dibmonster!" Zim hissed, trying to grab the snack again from Dib. "I'd like to see them tear you into itty bitty little Dibby pieces- no wait, I don't want to see them rip you into itty bitty Dibby pieces, because it shall be ZIM who will rip the Dib into itty Dibby biddy… I mean, itty Dibbly… YOU'RE DEAD!"

There was a small, yet noticable buzzing sound as the cameras around the house activated for the day.

"Enjoy your remaining life, Diiiiiiib, because as soon as we're out of this NIGHTMARE-" Dib wasn't listening, preoccupied with the taste of the snack. "STAY AWAY FROM MY FOOD, FILTH!"

"Hm." Dib wondered aloud, "I wonder what these things are called."

Deciding that they most certainly missed something, Produce-Sir commanded another interview-

* * *

_Zim's Interview_

"Noooo nooooo NOOOOO! You're making me leave the PRECIOUS food unguarded. We need a security system for Zim's food- LASERS! Yes, powerful lasers. ZIM DEMANDS LASERS!" His eyes darted towards the kitchen nervously, "Just interview the stupid HYUUMAN and get him out of there!"

* * *

_Dib's Interview_

His eye twitched. "I…… snack…." He couldn't focus on the camera or his words. "I must…. My…." He began waving his arms because of his total lack of language skill, "I need to… kitchenAAARRRGGGG!"

* * *

End Chapter 

Yes, it's just going to get uglier.


	5. Battle

**The Dumb Little Spacehouse for Two**

**By: Jaha Canon**

**Disclaimer: Denying ownership. **

**HUGE thank you to QWERTYkid911, animegirl797, DR. Neff, The Illustrious Crackpot, E. Harper, Invader Dana, Teya Yashitoda, TallestCora, and Tallest Black for reviewing my last chapter. I know a good number of you have been sticking with my story for a while. Keep that up, alrighty?**

**Semesters, my friends, are sadistic things. Especially when you're on your final year of college and you decided, "hey, I should take 21 units!" Which is, if you're not familiar with how classes pile up in college yet- is A LOT. So I'm here again. **

**But I got some nice input from some reviewers that it is all right to take my time with the story. This includes A TALLEST!! (Tallest Black) and someone else who I am assuming is an ordinary HYUUUUMAN such as myself (The Illustrious Crackpot). Regardless of your rank in the universe in regards to the Irken Empire, I appreciate you for telling me I can take my time here.**

* * *

In the dead of night, Zim scurried through the house. Cupboards, dressers, and the entire like where emptied and many disorganized piles appeared throughout the house.

Little did Dib know what he was going to wake up to…

Dib stretched a little as he began to wake up. Although he was sharing a house with his arch nemeses, he had to admit that taking them away from the battle zone did allow for him to get more sleep.

He dressed and began to make his way out of his room, wondering what kind of damage Zim had caused during the night. It turned out that previously Zim had been lying about having attained the ability to sleep and the restless, destructive nights returned.

As used to Zim's destruction as Dib had become, he wasn't prepared to see every drawer, shelf, and tabletop completely emptied and several piles around the house.

'If I'm not mistaken,' Dib thought to himself, 'I'd think those piles were strategically placed, like a battle grou-'

Before Dib could finish that thought, Zim appeared from behind one of the piles.

"Zi-" Dib started but was interrupted by being nailed in the forehead with a raw egg.

"Noooooo!" exclaimed Zim "My secret and awesome weapon failed!"

Dib stared blankly at the hysterically ranting Irken.

"….it seems to be working fine." He commented dryly.

Zim's eyes narrowed, "Foolish human who doesn't know his own planet's weaponry!" he picked up another egg in his hand, "this oddly shaped… THING is supposed to contain some kind of bird of DEATH and DOOM!"

"…A chicken?" Dib asked. He was able to block the next egg that was thrown at him with his arm. It didn't really help much, because now he had egg yolk on his sleeve.

"ARRGGG!" Zim growled in frustration, "Your STOOPID planet's STOOPID technology gets more STOOPID by the day."

"Eggs are food, Zim, that's why they were in the kitchen."

"Stoopid stoopid….. STOOPID!" Zim exclaimed, "But one minor setback-- I will conquer this house and all of it's unworthy inhabitants!"

"What!?" Dib said incredulously.

"You heard me, Dib-monkey!" Zim announced, "Tremble in fear while you can, for sooner than you know it, this house will be ZIM'S!"

Dib stared for a couple of seconds. Then he yawned. Finally, he turned and went back to his room.

"Escape into your pathetic SLEEP while you still can, Diiiiiib." Zim said teasingly.

Dib changed his clothes and wiped the egg yolk off of his face. He decided to shower later because he would have to get past Zim for that and it would be better to try that when Zim's a little less insane.

"Who would have thought that Zim had any mind to lose?" He mumbled to himself as he collapsed on his bed and fell back asleep.

* * *

Dib felt something tap his head. 

"I claim this FILTHY bedroom for the Irken Empire!" a proud voice announced above him.

His eyes snapped open. Zim was standing on his bed with one foot on Dib's body. He was, not so gently, trying to put a flagpole in his head.

"Owww…" Dib complained, grabbing the flagpole and throwing it across the room. He rolled a little making Zim have to regain his balance.

Zim feigned disappointment, "What a shame, I was going to cover the Dib with some of his filthy planet's cement and call him 'Mount Smellyhumandibberson.'" He retrieved the flagpole, "Anyway, Zim requires your GIGANTIC head to place the Irken Empire flag."

Dib frowned, annoyed that the usual battle moved to a terrain that, well, neither of them really cared about. Why should he care if Zim wants to believe he conquers the stupid house? While Zim appeared to be strategizing where on Dib's head would be the best, most squishy place to place his flag, Dib left the room.

The hallway had an Irken flag. The bathroom had an Irken flag. Practically every corner of the house had an Irken flag in it.

"I had enough." Dib grabbed the closest flags to him, rolled them up against their flagpoles, tossed him into the shower and turned on the water. Then he turned around to see Zim standing in the doorway behind him.

Zim wiped the stunned look off his face and a deadly expression took its place. "Resistance, eh? It's futile."

Dib eye twitched, "Well…. Well…. DON'T MAKE ME GET OUT THE EGGS!"

Zim gasped, "You LIED to ZIM to get the weaponry for yourself!"

Dib smirked, "That's right. Don't make me unleash the birds of doom on you!"

Zim grabbed one of his Irken snacks, "In that case, don't make me use this powerful Irken weapon!"

"Ha! As if, Zim, there's aren't weapons, they're delicious." Dib replied with a smirk.

"Smelly stinkbeast," Zim growled, he looked absolutely menacing "you admit to be eating ZIM'S food supply!"

"You were throwing around my food supply!" Dib retorted.

"Food supply?" Zim exclaimed, "You DECEITFUL-" his face went blank, "ZIM was handling disgusting HYUUMAN food?"

"You're a moron, Zim, I told you that before."

"Armed, unarmed- ZIM will destroy the Dib."

Dib was tackled to the ground.

"You can't kill me here, remember?" Dib said while fighting Zim.

"Yes, yes, but Zim only wishes to cause the Dib excruciating pain."

The clock chimed.

Dib pushed Zim off of him picked up a product that they were supposed to advertise.

"Even a stupid and filthy 'HYUUMAN' such as myself," Dib spoke to the camera as if he were reading, "knows that Korton's Dietary Pills are simply the best, most healthiest way to use weight across the galaxy." His voice went back to normal, "Plus the bottle was the heaviest thing that was within my arm's reach." He spun around and nailed Zim in the head with the product.

"Why you…." Zim snarled as he picked up the bottle from the ground and threw it back at Dib's head.

_ATTENTION IRKEN ZIM AND EARTHEN DIB!_Announced the loudspeaker.

"Interviews?" questioned Dib.

"No, skip the interviews today," said Produce-Sir as he barged through the door. "Look at this, boys." He excitedly showed them a chart with an arrow going up. "These are your ratings. They're skyrocketing since this morning! Keep going insane and hurting each other, boys, the viewers LOVE it!"

"And the Tallest?" Zim asked eagerly, "What do they think of Zim's greatness?"

Produce-Sir's face became solemn, "They stopped watching. They're watching Sitcomia's 'HELP! I Married A HYUUUMAN Stink Creature from URRTH' now."

Dib paled at the memory of that show- the whole reason why he hadn't touched the remote since that first day he watched the television in this house.

Zim also paled, but instead because he didn't understand why the Tallest wouldn't want to watch him.

Produce-Sir saw Zim's expression. "Keep the ratings going up and maybe it'll get the ALMIGHT Tallests' attention back." He turned and left the house.

"Zim understands what he needs to do now," the Irken outcast said, "Zim must conquer this house and inflict much pain on the horrid EARTH creature in order to regain his mighty Tallests' attention back."

"Or we could just go back to ignoring each other in hopes that our show is cancelled so we can go back home." Dib suggested.

"No more talking!" Zim exclaimed as the fight began again where they had left off.

'Well,' thought Dib 'so much for the relative peace.'

* * *

To be continued…

(By the way, sorry about the odd formatting (i.e. the double lines.) I've being on for some time and I'm not entirely used to how it works now.)


	6. No Truce Yet

**Dumb Little Spacehouse for Two**

**By: Jaha Canon**

**Disclaimer: Sorry, nope!**

**It's been a REALLY long time since I last updated this. Part of the reason being that I was a tad busy finishing up college and the rest of the reasoning being that I wanted to keep up the "quality"(??) of the story and I didn't feel like I could unless I got a really good idea of what I was going to do next.**

**Much thanks to Alana-StarSugarCat, xXDeathbyDiscoXx, DarkAngelKisses, Invader Dana, The Illustrious Crackpot, LinkxSheikLuver (who is actually the almighty Tallest Black in disguise, it turns out!), DR. Neff, LostWitch5, QWERTYkid911, and Citizen Crane to their reviews. **

**A few of the reviews from last chapter complained about typos. Sorry about that, I don't really spellcheck what I write at all. I had to force myself to do so when I had to for school. Sorry if it makes some parts a little difficult to understand, but yeah, it's not a college senior thesis (which I finished just recently), so I'm not going to flip out for perfection here. Not to mention I tend to update this story when I'm more than slightly sleep deprived. **

**Sooo-- back to my neglected story. **

**--**

"Good work, boys!" exclaimed Produce-Sir as he patted both the Irken and the Earthling on their respective backs. Both Zim and Dib's expressions were not pleased with this action. "All out warfare was a great touch- the ratings have skyrocketed!"

"And the Tallest…?" Zim questioned, eagerness in his voice.

"The Almighty Tallest are back watching our show again." Produce-Sir responded with a truimphant smile.

In response, Zim practically glowed with happiness.

"The whole galaxy just can't get enough of watching the two of you fight." Produce-Sir commented.

Zim nodded, enjoying this combination of violence, fame, and recognition from the Tallest.

Dib looked far less impressed. "….So, as long as we're fighting, we're staying here?"

"That's right." Producer replied. He didn't seem to notice Dib's expression turned thoughtful as he left to let the show progress.

Zim's mind seemed to return from the clouds as he turned his attention back to Dib. "You wouldn't have anymore of those chicken baby orbs around for me to use as ammo against you, HYUUMAN?"

Dib didn't reply. He stared back at Zim as if deep in thought.

"Dib-beast?" Zim began cautiously approaching the Earthling. When he got no response from Dib, he began poking Dib's face. Gradually, he began pushing harder wondering if Dib would be woken up by pain.

"Quit it, Zim." Dib said finally, gently swatting Zim's hand off of him.

"Ugh, filthy HYUUUUMAN has no concept of… of… well, you're going to bore the Tallest and it's going to be all your fault if they stop watching the All Mighty ZIM!" He waved his arms dramatically as he spoke.

"Hey Zim," Dib smiled, "want to sit down and watch some TV?"

Zim twitched. "What kind of plan is this?"

"No plan, Zim." Dib said warmly. Zim tensed as he watched Dib reach towards the Irken food shelf in the kitchen. "Snack?" He tossed one of Zim's favorites to him and then grabbed a human snack for himself.

Zim looked shell shocked as he caught the food.

"Come on, 'HELP! I Married A HYUUUMAN Stink Creature from URRTH' is coming on soon." Dib urged, exaggerating the bad pronunciation of 'human' and 'earth,' but still sounding good-natured. He walked to the livingroom and plopped down onto the couch.

Zim watched the human leave the room, then stared at the doorway for a long period of time. Finally, he recovered and began digging through the refrigerator.

--

Dib sat in the livingroom staring at the TV. "I still think this is a little disturbing, though." He mumbled.

Suddenly, Zim charged into the room. "You **thought** you could hide the bird children from me didn't you, Smelly HYUUUUUMAN?" he accused, holding up the eggs in his hands.

Dib smiled from the couch and waved, secretly hoping he'd remembered to do laundry so he would have a clean change of clothes.

Zim twitched again. "Any last words?"

"Do you want me to change the channel?" Dib asked politely.

"NO MERCY!" yelled Zim, as he threw an egg at Dib's head.

Dib felt the egg impact against his head. He felt like he was going to explode with the anger he was trying to hold in, but then suddenly noticed that the television program went into one of it's "Praise the Tallest" breaks. Sure enough, the camera in their livingroom was also off for the moment.

"Praise the TALLEST!" exclaimed Zim, noticing the television as well.

"Zim! I'm calling a truce!" Dib said quickly.

"Heh?"

"A truce! We pretend to get along well and then everyone would get bored of us so we can go back to Earth!"

"Get along??" Zim exclaimed, "What's in it for me, scum?"

"Ummm" Dib hadn't thought that far. He noticed that the cameras were turning back on.

"There is NO way that the Almighty ZIM will EVER ge-"

"Awww… Zim!" Dib interrupted him just in time. He stepped forward and pulled the unexpecting alien into a hug. "I'm SO glad we're friends!"

The word 'friends' was enough to drive Zim over the deep end, but the hug that came with it was probably enough to put him into therapy for life. Zim struggled to find some sort of word or action and failed, only strange gaggy noises came his throat.

When Dib moved away, Zim looked at his uniform and saw egg yolk on his Irken uniform. This broke him out of his stupor. "Aaaah, so that was your plan, HYUUMMAN filth! Disgusting, yes, but you'll never win over the wrath of Irken Invader ZIM!" He raised his fist triumphantly and left to go clean up.

Dib, of course, went to go shower immediately as well. He hoped he could figure out a way to get Zim to join him in his cause.

He walked into the bathroom, grateful that a shower was installed there as well as the one in the kitchen. He was also grateful that there were no cameras in that room so he could get a little time to himself. "How could I possbly get Zim to leave all of this attention that he's getting?"

The shower went long due to Dib's thought processes. He heard Zim causing chaos in the livingroom and yelling something about how the stupid human should get back already so they can save their ratings.

**--**

**I feel like I'm a lot more back on track now, so another chapter should be coming along shortly. Sorry about the wait. :D **


	7. Newspaper

**Dumb Little Spacehouse for Two**

**By: Jaha Canon**

**Disclaimer: Sorry, nope!**

**Ugh, sorry, it's been a long time again. I have a good reason, though. An excellent reason, in fact. I have (no joke) moved to Japan almost 2 months ago. So since my last chapter was posted, but I've been working on getting myself ready to move overseas and then settling in at my new apartment. Technically I don't have internet at the apartment yet, so I've been using the computers at work to check email, etc. But this will probably not find it's way online until I actually get internet. Here's the date right now, just so you know—September 21st. **

**Special thanks to Obey the Dib, Leaving-My-Mark, lovemehateme120, Invader Dana, and The Illustrious Crackpot for their comments.**

**  
And, as always, thanks for all of the patience. **

**Sooo-- back to my neglected story.**

**--**

Dib sat at the kitchen table eating cereal that wasn't exactly imported from Earth, but it didn't taste bad and it wasn't one of the foods Zim was particularly attached to. In his other hand, he held an English language newspaper that had been provided for him ever since he and Zim had arrived there. At first he was confused as to why they would have a newspaper in English in space, then he thought it would be great evidence of alien life once he got back to Earth, but finally he just kind of accepted it as it was.

Sometimes the newspaper had articles written about Earth, but they were clearly shot-in-the-dark guesses that beings from other parts of the universe made about what people on Earth do based on images from a telescope and **lots** of guessing. Much of it seemed somewhat dated to Dib, but again he couldn't always tell what they were refering to. A good portion of the remainder of the articles were about places he'd never heard of written in a way that implied that the reader has been following the story for ages beforehand. The vast majority of the paper was Irken Tallest propaganda.

Needless to say, this paper served very little purpose to Dib other than sometimes to stare at while eating his cereal in the morning.

Although Dib never liked what he saw there and swore never to check that section again after the first few times, he simply couldn't help but look at the television show review section. It is true that recently Zim's behavior throughout the entire day could be predicted based off of what the reviews in the morning papers said, but really Zim was Zim and Dib really couldn't see too much of a variation between how happy Zim acts and how angry Zim acts.

But he still couldn't help but look. It was like staring at a car wreck, while the possiblity of being scarred of life is there, curiousity is impossible to kill.

Dib read the review.

**_IRKENS AND EARTHENS _**

**The people of Sitcomia must be happy today, as their show, Irkens and Earthens, has regained its high ratings as well as approval from the ALMIGHTY TALLEST. Surveys taken on the net imply that the audience as a whole can't decide which they like to watch more, the Irken Zim and his idiotic escapades or the crazy Earthen Dib as his gigantic head slips more and more into insanity. The audience simply cannot get enough-**

Dib stopped reading; he had more than enough of that. Just then, Zim walked in, he put his Irken language newspaper on the table with a smug grin.

"Poooooor Dib thing is doomed to be crazy wherever he goes. And big headed!" Zim said giggling.

"They called you idiotic, you know." Dib replied, gesturing to his English language paper.

Zim read the line, looked somewhat stunned, then laughed loudly and triumphantly.

"That was a TYPO, stupid HYUUMAN, they mean to say idol…ic. Idolic!" Zim picked up a pen and began fixing the 'error'. "They must have sent a new batch of slaves to Newspaperia." He said cringing. "The Tallest must be executing the ones at fault as we speak."

"….Right." Dib said dryly. He looked at the clock. It was 5 minutes before the cameras could come on again for the day. "Hey Zim, before the cameras come on-"

"Yes, yes," Zim interupted in a bored and annoyed tone, "the pitiful Dib beast wants to make friendlike with ZIM so that the show gets bad reviews and the ugly pig child can go back to EUURTH."

"Well…" Dib paused. "….right."

"NOT HAPPENING!" Zim exclaimed. He picked up the English language newspaper and was about to throw it at Dib when something caught his eye. "Hm, Zim didn't realize that the HYUUMANS had invented a box they can carry around and talk to. Well, HYUUMANS are very boring to talk to after all…"

"That's a cell phone, Zim." Dib said, rolling his eyes. He thought it was ridiculous how easily Zim took to the Earth stories in the newspaper when he was just there as recently as Dib was. Although, he supposed, he really shouldn't be surprised.

Zim however, didn't seem to hear him as he began rattling on about how he should get one of those boxes to talk to so he wouldn't have to talk to humans. Only one with far more superior technology to suit someone from a far more technologically advanced race.

Dib wondered why Zim could possibly need to talk to a box. He has Gir, right?

'Oh, that's right!' Dib realized, 'Gir is still on Earth!'

Right as Dib had his plan the cameras came on.

--Later on--

Dib came back from his interview at the end of the show. He ended up talking a lot more than he thought he would after a nerve was struck when he found out everyone in space thought he was crazy, too, for believing in Big Foot. He had absolutely no idea how long he was ranting about how anyone from Sitcomia, Irk, or anywhere could possibly know enough about Earth to make that judgement, before they decided that hearing him talk was getting boring and booted him out of the interview room.

He found Zim on the couch, watching the television and laughing hysterically. Dib glanced at the screen and saw footage of him getting various things thrown at his head over and over again.

"So I guess they tape us too, then." Dib sighed.

Zim nodded, grinning. He pointed the remote and rewinded the tape again to see a part again. The footage took place once when Dib had managed to sneak into Zim's base when he was out and Gir invited him to a tea party and ended up somehow turning into a one sided throwing pig fight. The base was a chaotic mess afterward, which made Zim angry at the time, but now it was just fun for him to watch Dib get bombarded with several small and smelly little pigs.

"I wonder what Gir is up to these days." Dib wondered outloud, watching Zim's expression for a reaction.

Zim's eye twitched, which told Dib that he had indeed been worrying about that.

"I wonder what Gir is up to these days," Dib repeated, "alone for such a long time in your base."

The whole side of Zim's face twitched his time.

"But don't worry, Zim, I'm sure the base is still in perfect order just how you left it. And I'm sure Gir is doing an excellent job making sure noone gets suspicious that your house is anything less than a normal…. Umm... hyuuman house."

Zim, of course, truly believed this just as much as Dib did. Panic flashed onto his face and he jumped up from the couch.

He recollected himself quickly.

"Zim needs to" he said wandering out of the room, "think a little."

"It's about time." Dib remarked after Zim was out of hearing range. He smiled realizing that Zim might very well on his side come the next morning when the cameras come back on.

His mood a lot better than it had been for a while, he began a newspaper bonfire. He decided that was simply the most satisfying thing he had done since arriving there.


	8. Yes, it is awkward

**Dumb Little Spacehouse for Two**

**By: Jaha Canon**

**Disclaimer: "No, I do not." (Hilariously enough, how my Japanese middle school students sometimes reply to things when they have no idea how to answer my questions.) **

**I am super proud of how short amount of time between this chapter and last chapter. Meh, I shouldn't be…**

**The Illustrious Crackpot- Thanks for following my story all this time. Yeah, I could write about what Gir is doing on Earth in the meantime, but I assume that it could only really be a number of things- 1) causing chaos; making a total mess of the base, 2) gaining lots AND lots of weight eating junk food, or 3) he's been watching television this whole time. I guess we'll find out when Zim gets back to Earth. **

**Invader Dana- Another reader that's been around for a while! Do my eyes deceive me? Reviewing since the first chapter! Glad to see I haven't lost you!**

**Obeythedib- Bonfires are pretty neat! Oh, and thanks for sticking around!**

**Chaos of the asylum- Thanks for your patience! And your enthusiasm! As well as the three XDs that were thrown in there. Great review. (Yes, I know that I just reviewed a review….) Thanks for reviewing!**

**--**

The good news was that Dib slept in late.

The bad news was that Dib slept in late.

Due to sound pollution caused by a certain Irken housemate of his, this was the first time he'd had the chance to sleep in since he arrived on Realiteevee. He woke up peacefully, lacking only the sunshine peering through the curtains covering his window and the birds chirping.

The bad side to this is that the cameras in the house were already turned on for the day and he wouldn't have a good chance to talk to Zim about the possibility of an alliance to get back to Earth.

Dib got ready for the day (while wondering why he bothered) and made his way downstairs and into the kitchen.

"Good morning, Dib!" Zim chirped from the table, "Did you ENJOY your SLEEEEP?" As always, there was a lot of strain in his voice as pronounced words that had concepts he wasn't familiar with.

"Uhh… yes, Zim." Dib replied warily, studying Zim's face. "It was… peaceful."

Zim nodded back, athough behind the smile he was attempting to make, his face looked as if the conversation lost him already.

"Here! I made your breakfast meal." Zim said, trying to sound friendly, but obviously absolutely horrified that he had contact with cereal.

"Oh," Dib replied dumbly before it clicked in his mind that Zim was joining his plan to get along so that their show will be cancelled. "Thanks Zim!"

"You're wel- you're welc-c-c- YOU ARE WELL."

"….Thank you, Zim." Dib said again, reaching out for the bowl.

"Let me HELP you with that, Dib." Zim offered. He grabbed the bowl before Dib could, took out the spoon and put the bowl on the floor.

Dib stared at the bowl, then Zim.

"Hey Zim," he said finally in the friendliest voice he could muster. "You know humans don't usually eat off the floor."

Zim looked truly perplexed. "Really? I saw a human put food on the floor for another very very furry human and they seemed to get along…."

"That was a dog, Zim. You know, like Gir's disguise." Dib's friendly tone was strained.

"Really?" Zim frowned in confusion. "But it was really big and had a stupid face."

"A dog, Zim."

Zim shrugged. He didn't really care what human stink creatures called eachother. He picked the bowl off the ground, replaced the spoon, and pushed it towards the human.

Dib nodded thanks, sat down, and started eating.

"Sooooooo…." Zim started awkwardly.

Dib looked up at Zim. "Sooo…."

"How about them Giants?" Zim asked.

"I'm sorry?" Dib replied, clearly lost.

"You know," Zim had a little bit of annoyance in his tone. "How. About. Them. Giants?"

"I wouldn't know. Even if I cared, I couldn't find out on this planet."

"9 to 10. A real close one." Zim said, then he made a sound that somewhat resembled a whistle.

"Do you even know what you're talking about?" Dib asked.

"I'm making friend-like HYUUMAN conversation, Diiib!" Zim snapped. He caught himself immediately after. "Because we're friend-like now."

Although this was originally his plan, Dib still had a somewhat stunned look on his face. "Uhh… right. We're friends now!"

Zim's eye twitched hearing Dib say that, but he still nodded.

"Hey Zim," Dib said between bites of cereal. "You don't need to try to talk to me like a human friend. Why don't you treat me like you'd treat an Irken friend?"

"How's that?" Zim asked, looking at Dib questioningly.

"I don't know," Dib said, feeling uncomfortable. "Don't you have any Irken friends anywhere?" Pause. "-Did- you ever have any Irken friends?" More silence. "Did you know any Irkens who had Irken friends?"

Zim still didn't reply. He looked like something just pulled the plug out of his brain.

"So there is absolutely no concept at all of friendship in your species?" Dib asked.

Zim stood his head slowly, his brain starting to come out what was almost like a coma. A confusion caused coma.

"Well, IF you liked someone enough to call them a friend. How would you treat them?" Dib asked after some thought.

Zim looked thoughtful for a moment. "I suppose I'd TRY not to blow them up."

Dib nodded, "It's a start…"

"…And any form of destruction would be a 'no'." Zim continued. This part of his thought process seemed to be something he struggled with.

"Right, Zim," Dib agreed. "If you really liked someone, you wouldn't want to destroy them."

Zim quietly mouthed the words 'wouldn't want to destroy' to himself as if trying to understand the concept.

"What would you talk about with your friend?" Dib asked.

Zim studied the wall as he thought of his answer. "Oh! We'd talk about ME!"

"What if your friend didn't want to talk about you all of the time?"

Zim crossed his arms and frowned. "Then he is no friend to ZIM!"

Dib stared at the Irken for a while. "….Right….." he said, completely at a loss of what else he could say.

Suddenly a voice came through the intercom.

**"INTERVIEW TIME!"**

--

"So Zim and I-"

"The great ZIM has decided that the Dib HYUUMAN is worthy of ZIM's great FRIEND-ship and so-"

"-get along great now, so we're interviewing together."

There was an awkward pause because neither the Earthling nor the Irken quite knew what to say next.

Suddenly, Zim grabbed Dib's hand and brought it up to the camera. Then he said in the most serious, dramatic voice he could muster "This is how we are now! DON'T JUDGE US!"

Dib immediately fell from the chair making gagging noises, which turned into coughs, and then silence. Realiteevee crewmembers rushed to the site to make sure he wasn't dead or dying. When they realized he was okay, just passed out due to lack of oxygen due to _some sort_ of shock.

A little while later, he woke up on the couch. Zim was sitting on the floor nearby watching television. The cameras were off.

"That's another way to bring down the ratings, Dib-stink." Zim commented when he noticed the human was awake.

"You –really- have to learn some things about human culture from somewhere other than television dramas." Dib said as he remembered what caused him to pass out.

Zim twitched, "Gir watches them, not me."

Dib rolled his eyes. "Right."

The television screen flickered and Produce-SIR appeared on the screen.

"Hey boys! Great news! I was worried for a moment about the different approach that you guys seem to be taking, but it's working great."

Dib groaned and covered his face with a pillow.

"The ratings are better than ever. The Tallest even sent us a transmission. Check it out."

Zim's eyes widened eagerly and he moved closer to the screen.

The image of The Tallest appeared on the screen. They both looked like they really wanted to burst out laughing.

"Hey Zim, we just wanted to…. Pffft"

"Great show today, Zim! We just want to say…." A small chuckle escaped. "Wejustwanttosay…."

"You're doing the Irken race…." Eyes were tearing, lips were being bit, "proud."

The footage cut out just as the laughter broke out.

Produce-SIR came back on the screen. "See?" he said, "A good review from the biggest, most important critics in the galaxy. I'm sure Zim would agree with that."

Zim grinned and nodded.

"Anyway, boys, great job today and we'll start up again tomorrow morning!"

The show Zim was watching returned to the screen.

"Zim," Dib's muffled voice came from under the pillow. "don't fall back into that again. Remember Gir is probably destroying your lab back on Earth –right- now."

Zim shot a glare Dib's direction. "As if YOU care for my misson, DIB, but you certainly have a point." He paused, realizing that he just agreed with Dib without the cameras being on. "Plus all of my things are starting to smell like horrible smelly human pig stench." He added hurriedly.

"I'm sure." Dib replied with a flat tone. Although he spent most of the day out like a light, he still wanted to get away from Zim, so he went to the kitchen, grabbed some food, and went up to his room for the night.

--

**I changed my mind about how I wanted the story to end.  
But either way, it's ending next chapter. (I think….)**


	9. The Escape

**Dumb Little Spacehouse for Two**

**By: Jaha Canon**

**Disclaimer: Nothing but the obvious, all the time. **

**Sorry, ONCE AGAIN for the delay. I haven't checked, but I am pretty sure this might be my longest delay yet. I guess having a full time job and living alone in a foreign country changes one's priorities just a biiit. ;) **

**This is –technically- the last chapter. BUT- I've decided to make a sequel. I'll write about it in more detail at the end. **

**September Rhyme, The Illustrious Crackpot- I thought ZADR shippers might enjoy that one. I don't tend to use pairings in my stories, but I will toss a bone every now and then! Thanks for the review!**

**Thanks also to Obeythedib, Invader Dana, Chaos of the Asylum, and Reigning Fyre for their excellent reviews. **

**And always, thanks for sticking around, reading, and not being too angry with the long periods between chapters. **

~~~~~-----~~~~~~----~~~~~-----

Miss Bitters started the school day giving each student a unique glare of death, doom, and destruction before starting to speak, "The principal tells me that I should take time from your studying to congratulate Dib on proving the existence of Bigfoot."

"But Dib isn't here yet." A student pointed out.

"Sorry I'm late!" Dib exclaimed as he entered the classroom. He held a leash connected to a giant hairy beast. "I had to stop Harry here from attacking a mailman." He waited for the applause from his classmates to stop before sitting down.

"Dib," Miss Bitters continued, "we were just talking about how you were right about the existence of Bigfoot."

"Oh!" Dib said, with a smile. "It wasn't really anything..."

-----------------------------------

Zim looked down at Dib's sleeping form. It was pathetic, really. The boy had a big smile on his face and was mumbling phrases that sounded like "I told you so" and "That's not a scratching post, Harry."

_Psssh, HYUUUMANS and their SLEEP._

"Dibstink." Zim said in a voice loud enough that he thought he would wake up the boy.

Dib rolled over in his sleep. "Bigfoot.... real...." He mumbled.

Zim sighed irritatedly and he began nudging the boy.

------------------------------------------

The world was shaking.

"It's an earthquake!" One of the classmates exclaimed.

"No, it's got to be Zim up to something again!" Dib responded, noticing that Zim's desk was empty.

"Psssh," another classmate replied while ducking under his desk, "You're so mean, Dib, Zim's just a weird kid with a skin condition."

"Wait-" Dib said with urgency. "You believe me about Bigfoot, but you still don't believe me about aliens?"

---------------------------------------------

Dib's sleeping face looked distressed. "Zim.... alien.... notcrazy...."

Zim growled from annoyance and left the room. He came back a little while later with his arms full of the human food. He began stacking it on Dib's head.

"Gaz...." said Dib's mumbling voice. "Don't play.... gravity machine....."

The idea of a gravity machine intrigued Zim, but he shook it off knowing he had to get Dib awake.

"Hey DIIIIIIB beast. It's the almighty ZIM and I have the gravity machine!" He yelled in a taunting voice.

Dib screamed, he sat up quickly knocking all of the food on top of him to the ground, and his eyes shot open. After looking around the room in a dazed panic and taking a few deep breaths, he looked at Zim and met a very unamused glare. "You know," he said, finally. "You can't stop me from eating the Irken food when you keep wasting the human food supply."

"And you can't stop me from getting that gravity machine when we get back to Earth." Zim shot back.

"Wait... what? What gravity machine?" Dib asked, confused. "Did you come in here and wake me at" he checks the clock "3 am just to tell me about something that doesn't exist?"

"Yes! I mean... no." Zim replied, equally confused. "No, Zim came into the very bad smelling Dib's room to tell him the AMAZING new plan. Far superior to Dib's silly human plan."

"Okay, what is it?" Dib asked, his curiousity putting his fatigue on hold.

"First, let's get out of the hideous HYUUMAN room."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dib sat at the kitchen table facing Zim. "Okay, so what's the plan, Zim?"

"The great plan of ZIM is a great plan indeed," Zim started, "much better than the stupid, fluffy, disgusting, FRIENDshippy, gooey plan the Diiiiib came up with..."

Sleep was returning to Dib, "Can you just tell me your superior plan already?"

Zim gave Dib an extremely annoyed, but somewhat hurt look. "Fine! Here it is-" He hopped off his chair in an attempt to emphasize his dramatic pause. "We explode the planet and escape."

"That's all???" asked Dib.

Zim glared at the boy. "What do you mean that's all?!!??!"

"Well, for starters, what can be use to blow up the planet and how will we escape?" Dib asked.

"That's where you come in, URRTH scum, as an elite member of the superior Irken race, ZIM is used to working with the best technology whatsits the universe has to offer. While, you, Dibmonkey, are used to working with absolutely nothing."

"I don't work with nothing," Dib said offensively, "I use my dad's lab."

"Absolutely NOTHING." Zim repeated, glaring into Dib's eyes with complete and utter seriousness. "Anyway, I figure this would be a breeze for _you_ because you have managed to protect the UURTH from ZIM on a few occasion with very very little."

Dib sighed, "Fine. I'll see if I can think of something. I'm going back to bed and I'll talk to you about this again before the cameras come on in the morning."

He left the room and began making his way back to bed, wishing Zim had a better grasp of human sleep schedules.

-----------

Dib walked back into the kitchen a few hours later. Zim was exactly where he had last seen him. He walked past the Irken and began getting his breakfast together.

"Sooo?" Zim asked. There was a little bit of eagerness in his voice.

"Sooo......?" Dib said back as he began eating.

"Did you think of anything to blow up this planet?" Zim asked.

"I was sleeping, Zim." Dib replied. "I can't think of how to destroy planets if I am needing sleep that badly."

Zim sighed impatiently. He watched as Dib stuck something in the microwave and pushed a button to start it.

After that, Dib went to the refrigerator and pulled out a carton of juice. He paused suddenly.

"I wonder if I put too much time on the microw-"

BOOM!

The Earthling and the Irken watched as an explosion shallowed the entire microwave and the whole thing was reduced to ashes.

"Is... -all- of your HYUUMAN food explosive?" asked Zim.

Dib moped a little that part of his breakfast exploded and got out the cereal. "Most of it, anyway."

"So we'll blow up the planet using the disgusting HYUUMAN food!" Zim announced.

"Two things are wrong with that plan, Zim," Dib said cooly. "One, we don't have a microwave anymore and two, we could probaby blow up the house at the absolute most with that."

Zim glared at Dib. But he had to admit the Earthling child was right.

Dib finished his cereal and went to the sink to clean his bowl. He splashed a little water which spilled onto a broken cord from the exploded microwave. It sizzled.

Dib had an idea.

"Hey Zim," he said, "they're are cameras all over this planet right?"

Zim rolled his eyes. "Yep."

"So it follows that they would be connected somehow."

"Uh huuuh." Zim looked bored and annoyed. "What's your point?"

"And if we spill enough water like I did just now, it should destroy all of the technology and at least a good percentage of the crew on this planet." Dib stated. "It wouldn't destroy the planet itself, but they definitely wouldn't be able to broadcast anymore programs."

"Hmm...." Zim said thoughtfully. Putting Realiteevee out for good did sound pretty great. All they needed to use would be.... water. The Irken jerked uncomfortably.

"I know you probably don't want to use water, Zim, but it's the only way." Dib argued.

Zim was hesitant, but he didn't want Dib to see that he was that afraid of water. "All right. Sounds like your pathetic HYUUMAN mind thought of something that might work."

"There's still one thing- how will we escape?" Dib asked. "It's no good if we're stuck here even the power goes out."

Zim looked thoughtful for a while and jumped up from his chair. "Leave that one to ZIM!" He said. He paraded out of the room just as the cameras turned on.

~-~~~----~~~----~~~~~

Dib watched Zim in the corner of his eye as the Irken spoke animatedly at the camera during interview time. He kept talking about how he was so excited about watching the Pan-galactical races.

_That's right,_ Dib remembered, _it was in the newspaper that it was starting tonight._

This realization only made Dib shrug. –Something- printed in said periodical had to be relevant –sometimes-, right?

However, lately Zim had been doing absolutely nothing except watch television. Sure, he and Dib had the same predicable fights as usual, but absolutely nothing could tear him away from the television.

And, he always turned up the volume when commercials about the races were on.

Zim got up from the interview chair and went back to the couch. The cameras turned off. The television was turned onto the sports channel where the race was beginning.

"Hey Zim…" Dib began.

"Shush, HYUUMAN!" Zim replied, waving a dismissive hand.

"I was just thinking, I've been working non-stop on the plan, but you hav-"

"SHUSH!" Zim said again.

Dib realized at that moment that Zim had been counting since the race had begun.

He could just barely hear it.

"39… 40…. 41…."

And suddenly they both heard a very loud sound.

"What –was- that?" Dib asked, startled.

"The racing ships!" Zim answered with a gigantic grin. "Every intellegent being in the universe knows that they film big races and events on Realiteevee. Sportscastia lacks the space and technology."

_Sportscast…ia???_

"And, filthy human," Zim continued speaking after noting that Dib was completely lost for words, "it seems the race goes right past our dwelling."

Something clicked in Dib's brain. "You're suggesting we hijack one of those racing ships…? But, Zim, if there's a planetwide power outage here, wouldn't it take out the vehicles, too?"

"It will. I guess your puny brain is lacking the smarts to see the rest of this GENIUS plan. These ships are from Sportscastia, they don't run on Realiteevee's power."

Dib marvelled at how good he has gotten at letting Zim's insults roll off of him… well, most of the time. Zim just keeps getting better at it. "All right! Let's do it, then."

~~~~~-----~~~~~-------~~~~~~

**"Ladies and GENTLEMEN! Welcome to day 2 of the MostSuperAmazingRacesintheUniverse! I'm Announce-SIR and I am really REALLY REALLY hungry right now."**

The small robot seen on the television actually did quite resemble a SIR unit.

"It's a defective unit." Zim said dismissively and he looked over his ammo.

Dib had to smile. "Sounds like someone we know."

Zim glared at Dib. "I'll have you KNOW that Gir is most definitely not… err… hey! Look! Eggs!"

Dib rolled his eyes and went into the kitchen to start preparing the water. Then he started the shower water running as well.

"**Without any furtha-a-doo! Let's start the race!" **

"**On your mark. Get set. Go!"**

"It's started, Dib!" Zim announced. He couldn't help but feel excited.

Less than a second later, he heard a loud zap and the power went out. Dib came running out of the kitchen pulling rubber gloves of his hands. They picked up the ammo and broke through the door.

"38… 39… 40…"

A ship was heading towards when in a speed that could only be compared to a hummingbird's wings.

Zim threw an egg. It crashed into the window. The ship spun and crashed into the house.

"Maybe that –wasn't- particularly a genius part of your plan." Dib remarked. Zim seethed.

They could only watch as ship after ship zoomed past them.

"What now…?" Dib asked the alien planet sky.

Just then, another ship passed. Yes, it was fast, but it was a snails pace compared to the other ships. Then, before it got too far, the pilot turned and drove back to the Irken and the Earthling.

The ship came to a stop and the pilot just stared at Zim and Dib blankly.

Taking the opportunity, Zim and Dib jumped into the ship.

The pilot found words again. "Oh wooowww… Zim and Dib inside of my ship! C-ca-can I have your autographs?"

"Later, racing drone! We need to get off this planet NOW!" Zim commanded.

"Well, shucks! Of course! But this vehicle doesn't move too fast in space."

"Just get us off this planet, please!" Dib requested, purposely trying to sound more gracious than Zim. Not that this was difficult.

"Well, ok, then!" the pilot replied cheerfully. He turned on the jets and the ship began to make its way up. After a while, it was out of the atmosphere.

"This ship –IS- slow." Zim complained, crossing his arms.

"But we're free!" Dib exclaimed happily. "Hey, where are we going anyway?"

"This ship probably won't take us any farther than the nearest planet…" Zim started.

"Yup!" the pilot chimed in.

"…so I guess we'll find a DECENT ship to take back to URRTH when we get there." Zim paused as something clicked in head. "Well, ZIM will find a ship and if the Dib thing is lucky, he will find a way back to his stinky little planet."

"I think it's said like this," the pilot said, "'earth.'"

"That's what ZIM said!" Zim yelled.

Dib, however, smiled. This pilot obviously wasn't the sharpest tool in any planet's shed, but he at least knew how to prononce Earth and that was saying a lot.

The end---

~~~-----~~~~~~----~~~~

**A/N: So, yes, there WILL be a sequel. I decided that yesterday and I started to have pretty good ideas for it already.**

**I decided that it's not quite time for Zim and Dib to get back to Earth yet. So, they're going on a bit of an adventure.**

**The title is still in the works, but I am thinking it'll be something along the lines of:**

"**Absurd Journey through Regularly Scheduled Programming For Two"**

**Buuut it wouldn't kill me to go with something a tad shorter, don't you think?**

**I'm open for suggestions on the title. **

**As always, thanks. **


End file.
